The zoo is releasing the tarantulas. No money to pay for their upkeep.

The zoo is releasing the ants. The tarantulas blew themselves up. Dead bodies everywhere. It’s a mess.

The zoo is releasing the sloths. There are ants everywhere. I’m told the sloths will eat them or something.

The zoo is releasing the tigers. The sloths have destroyed everything. No one expected they would react that way to crack cocaine. We should have known.

The zoo is releasing the chimps. Someone’s got to rebuild society.

The zoo is releasing the bees. For a while the chimps had built a utopia of sorts, one centered round an animistic deity. But the deity ate an apple, I think, or was it a banana? Either way, everything stopped growing, withered, and died. Hopefully the bees will fix this mess.

The zoo is releasing the bears. There is so much honey.

The zoo is releasing the mountain lions. The bears took me for a demigod. I’m nervous about the mountain lions.

The zoo is releasing the humans. Those mountain lions have to be stopped.

The zoo is releasing AIDS. Don’t kid yourself; it’s not the first time.

The zoo is releasing Billy Graham. Things are getting weird.

The zoo is releasing Lucifer. I wish I had a video camera.

Since the zoo is really the only thing left standing they’re not letting anyone in or out. Lucifer wants to invade the zoo. But the giraffes have built a wall. The pythons formed a provisional government, which seems like a bad idea to me. Lucifer’s minions are digging under the wall. The eagles built a splinter zoo in the sky. But they’re turning everyone away. Things are looking bleak here.

If only the tarantulas were still around. They would set traps for Lucifer’s minions, in elaborate tunnels the ants would build. The sloths would carry the dead away and the tigers would eat their bodies. The chimps would rebuild society again, but without the high-minded utopian ideals of yesteryear. The bees would advise them on the pitfalls of communism. The bears would chime in about greater reproductive success. The mountain lions would get rid of the poor and the sick and the hungry. The remaining humans would learn to cope with cowardice. AIDS would not return. Billy Graham wouldn’t rise from the dead. Lucifer would be a word or an idea, if that. And the zoo would just be a place you visit when you’re bored in a strange city, pretending not to be on vacation.

-Reynard Seifert